Shlock and Sloe

Not so long ago I was a hard partying Rock N'Roller who sang a lotta Led Zeppelin. But sometimes I was so drunk that I messed up the lyrics as evidenced from the recordings I recently uncovered. I am embarrassed to put the original recording out here but here are the exact lyrics that I sang!

Shlock and Sloe

(while gravitating to Roll N' Roll by Led Zeppelin)

 It’s been a long time since I saw Larry and Moe
….a long time since I stubbed my toe
Apparently, in a coma, oh I really don’t know
… I’ve a hairy back, a hairy back…
and my hair is black, baby, where did you come from?
I need a drink of wine . . . a drink of wine
Cuz I’m sad

It’s been a long time since I lost my glove
My hand is cold, neither can push or shove
Give me some slack, hand me a jack
and a warm bottle of rum
It’s been a long climb, just about outta rhyme
Give me a drink of whiskey and lime

 My seams are long, my pants, oh they are so tight
Ready for chow, it really seems so right
Play with my charms, oh my wonderful charms.
Oh baby, hand me your glove and pray for sin
It’s been a long time, a long climb
Been a wrong, and a pony-less, moaning-infested rhyme.

Ricky J. Fico

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Like Rodin's "The Streaker"

Lately, I'd been thinking! Strange, isn't it? Me -think? Just kidding, I'm always thinking. Even when I'm not thinking I think, "Maybe I should start thinking." I am like Rodin's little naked statue - The Steaker. I'm sure you'd seen it before.

Lately, I'd been thinking....

Oops, I had already said that. But I didn't realize that after I said it, I typed it out on the keyboard. Sorry, so sorry!

Anyway, I'd been thinking. I know what you're thinking -"Man, that Ricky Fico sure likes to repeat himself." Actually, I don't. I suspect it's an old habit though. You see, back in grammar school  (about 80 years ago) I had many friends who were deaf. At my school, we had an entire floor dedicated to special education - this included educating the deaf.


I was proud of my school. It was purported to be one of the best public schools in Chicago and as further testament would prove, it was the best. And get this - my geography teacher -her name was Mrs. Atlas. I'm not kidding, true as shit!

And my pre-algebra teacher? Mrs. Heimindinger! Again, true story!

I was lucky. I excelled through my grammar school, placed second in the High School Entrance Exams. Which meant that I was going to go to the Harvard of High Schools. Really, I didn't want to.  I wanted to go where most of my friends were going. But my teachers and the Principal of my Grammar School convinced my family that Lane Tech was the place for me.
Maybe it was but the summer after my tenth grade my world became infused with drink and drug - I had joined my older brother and sister's little club. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Well, my high school became in reality, my high school. I'd be stoned on pot or tripping on acid while debating the merits of Nuclear Arms -deterrents and all that shit! And talk of the Cold War and The Soviet Union and Reaganomics and bringing down the wall, which I was all for. Really I was!
So now you may ask - How come Ricky Fico's not discussing his love for sex.

Ah, wrong time, wrong place! But as I had often said, "sex is good but making love is great!"

And, I'm in no shape or form an arrogant sob or an egotistical bastard. I do love myself,  I really do. There were times in the past, though, that I didn't. Those days - I was on a path of self-destruction.

Not anymore! I am on the path of erection and if you pay me enough accolades, I'll be sure to erect a monument just for you. And if I can't, well,  I know somebody who can. Yeah, my cousin's a sculptor.

SEX AND BLOGGING - A HEALTHY COMBINATION

A recent scientific study conducted at Stanford & Son University confirmed the theory that sexual pleasure is enhanced 60% when it is performed within one hour of blogging. Two hours hence and the magnitude of orgasm decreases 10% and three hours after blogging you might as well forget about it. You may also forget about it if you have an early onset of dementia or been hit in the head by a wayward bowling ball.

One prominent scientist, Sir Ricky J. Fico said, "Blogging is perhaps the greatest aphrodisiac ever invented." He went on to say that having sexual intercourse while blogging is the ultimate but he advises against it for those who are not ambidextrous. Having sex during blogging has increased many of the participants muscle mass while helping them to remain focused as well, he says.

Blogging and boogying is a healthy combination and if practiced more often, divorce in this country would certainly diminish, says another prominent scientist, Fricky Rico of the Spot Mckinnsey Institute.

His research concludes:

In one Icelandic Country where 90% of the married population are bloggers, the rate of divorce has dropped 76% since blogging became the hobby of choice after ice hockey and watching reruns of "I Love Lucy."

RJF

Room Service Indeed

Talk about Room Service, gee I may be headed for the Hilton....maybe Paris Hilton!