The divorce courts are going to be getting a lot of business in the near future, I'll tell you that much. Lately, I'd been hearing about a lot of breakups - and it's really bothering me if you really want to know the truth. I'm a caring guy and to learn that all these people are breaking up with their loved ones is causing me to do headstands on a bed of nails. Especially when it's probably over matters that could've been easily resolved. Where's the dignity? Where's the dedication? Whatever happened to "Till death do us part!"
Yesterday I was at the mall when I walked by a little old lady, who was talking to her husband on her cell phone.
She was saying, "Honey, I am going to buy that new mini skirt that I was telling you about."
A few seconds later, she started to talk louder and then she began to scream.
"We're breaking up. Did you hear me? We're breaking up!"
Jesus, I thought, just because the husband didn't like the idea of his wife wearing a mini skirt should be no reason for her to break up with him. They'd probably been married a good 49 years too.
Later, I was at the grocery store when I passed this guy talking to his wife on his cell phone.
"Honey, what do you want to have for dinner tonight? . . . . Liver? No way, not again. . . . We're breaking up! . . . Did you hear me? We're breaking up . . .
Jesus, divorce over liver, gimme a frickin' break!
And then I'm on my way home, when at a stoplight, this guy next to me who is a priest, is yelling in his cell phone:
"Did you hear me, Mother Superior? Did you hear me . . . We're breaking up!"
Jesus, nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh wait, there's a news bulletin: "The last few days, there's been UFOs circling the earth, causing interference between satellites and electronic devices throughout the world."
Well, that's nice but still, I think that the increase in the break-ups between the earth's inhabitants is more worthy of a breaking news report than UFOs circling the earth. I just hope that news reporter person is not thinking about breaking up with her husband.
By Rick J. Fico aka Dan (The Man) Landers
