I Was A Member of the Working Stiff!

I've been asked on numerous occasion what I did before I became a world-renowned paleontologist and advice guru. Well, one of my previous occupations I worked as a mannequin. 


That's right, I held a part time job as a mannequin. Although I'm far from being a dummy, working as a mannequin didn't require much in brain-work. What it did require was a nice hard body, in which I had. Working as a mannequin offered me the chance to be undressed and re-dressed by some really good-looking mannequin decorators. They had their hands all over me and I had to do my best not to flinch because if I did, my gig was over.


Day after day I went into work with a smile and set myself up on the pedestal before the store opened. I had to resume my exact posture and position as the previous day otherwise some keen-eyed bastard with a penchant for detail would notice and complain to management. That could've been the end of my gig. God forbid! I would have had to go on the dole then.


To this day, I keep a stiff upper lip when I walk past the clothes stores.

By Rick J. Fico

Romney - The Big-Headed One!

Politics as usual - and the $500 haircut!

Cat Tails

And I know what this cat means. I remember when someone walked in on me while I was laying on my back with my tail between my legs.  Oh, and by the way.... the carpet I was lying on hadn't been vacuumed in a month. Man, is that ever embarrassing. Like the Cat says, "Knock first!"

Doing It Doggie Style!

I told you it is a dog-eat-dog world! Dog gone it, now maybe you'll believe me!

Now I really know what doing it doggy-style really means. Look at the result!

Dammit, Phelps!

"Dammit Phelps, you got me again. You better change your tune and go to Rio in 4 years because I'll be ready... I'm gonna do up a bunch of cat nip before the race...You watch me, Phelps!!!!"

I Just Love Getting the Boot

Really, being booted had lost its appeal. There was a time though, when I rather relished the fact that I had gotten the boot. It made me feel important.

 I know what you're thinking - sounds too paradoxical for a man who loves to be a part of something. But let me explain if you will. In the past, I had my share of dead-end jobs and hopeless occupation. Although I felt I did my best each time, went above and beyond the call of duty, deep down inside though, maybe subconsciously, I fought to get out. Subconsciously, I'd do whatever it was I did to be forced out.

 As a matter of fact, I had been fired at gunpoint from one job. Another, I subconsciously fucked up the company's entire Information System and was escorted out of their building by three-armed guards. But each time I got the boot, the next time I would get something better. Instead of flipping burgers I was flipping coins. Instead of laying bricks I was laying down laws. Instead of running from a country I was running one - a small one but a country nevertheless.

Today, I have a good job. After getting through boot camp, I'm now the Commander-In-Chief. Hope I don't fuck up the accounting system on this one. Somebody has to finally remain accountable.

Thanks for listening, Boot-Camp Ricky

Just the Facts, Ma'am!

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb ".

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled

"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury .

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs - Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111= 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

In Shakespeare 's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bedfirmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

 Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it..........

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer bein the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Ricky Fico was born in Chicago at Loretta Hospital and he thinks his mother may have attended his birth but isn't quite sure...