Hugh Hefner & The 5th Amendment

A Simple Editorial from Yours Truly, 

I am all for free speech, as I am a proponent of the First Amendment and a few other amendments if you really want to know the truth. I believe in Democracy and a few other 'ocracies' but by no means, am I going to transform into an arm-chair pundit. No, leave that for the arm-chair pundits! 

I got other things to concern myself with, like saving the world and building solid relationships with the backyard people and other misunderstood transients. I don't like too much hanging around with the phony elite and other self-acclaimed VIP people. I find most of them boring and besides, they like to throw stones at a simple man like me - a down-to-earth advice guru and writer who writes what truly matters. The other night I was criticized for a piece I wrote: It was deemed too profane for their hypocritical tastes.

So, to be fair I replied with my editorial. Here is an excerpt. I think I garnered some respect by staying true to my moral rectitude:

So, it was told that one of my Essays contained more "F" words than a cross-country bus filled with hedonists on their way to the "Blast of the Past" Convention in San Francisco. I'm sorry but  I was expressing myself in ways that I ordinarily don't but had to stay true to the story.  Besides, I had to get off my chest the two-hundred pound barbell that my three year old dropped while doing her bench presses.

Okay, now that I got that out the way, let me share these two items:

 I had just heard that Hugh Hefner is sending a bunch of playmates to penal institutions across the country. Talk about hardened criminals. I will send a letter to Hugh and remind him that these are houses of corrections not houses of erections. I hope he understands my plea not to go ahead with his scheme.

Which reminds me, I was once a member of a hung jury. It was another sex case and I guess being hung was a prerequisite to an unbiased verdict. The woman on trial, though, she was toting two 44's and I couldn't help but render a decision based on the length of my inseam, which started at a 34 and ended at a 20.

Thanks for listening,

R.J. Fico

Now I Didn't Say That (Obama & Me!)

Will the real Ricky Fico please stand up? 

I did!

Tragedies, Triumphs and Trampolines - the life and times of Ricky J. Fico

Tragedies, Triumphs and Trampolines -

 the life and times of Ricky J. Fico 

I Was A Member of the Working Stiff!

I've been asked on numerous occasion what I did before I became a world-renowned paleontologist and advice guru. Well, one of my previous occupations I worked as a mannequin. 


That's right, I held a part time job as a mannequin. Although I'm far from being a dummy, working as a mannequin didn't require much in brain-work. What it did require was a nice hard body, in which I had. Working as a mannequin offered me the chance to be undressed and re-dressed by some really good-looking mannequin decorators. They had their hands all over me and I had to do my best not to flinch because if I did, my gig was over.


Day after day I went into work with a smile and set myself up on the pedestal before the store opened. I had to resume my exact posture and position as the previous day otherwise some keen-eyed bastard with a penchant for detail would notice and complain to management. That could've been the end of my gig. God forbid! I would have had to go on the dole then.


To this day, I keep a stiff upper lip when I walk past the clothes stores.

By Rick J. Fico

Romney - The Big-Headed One!

Politics as usual - and the $500 haircut!

Cat Tails

And I know what this cat means. I remember when someone walked in on me while I was laying on my back with my tail between my legs.  Oh, and by the way.... the carpet I was lying on hadn't been vacuumed in a month. Man, is that ever embarrassing. Like the Cat says, "Knock first!"

Doing It Doggie Style!

I told you it is a dog-eat-dog world! Dog gone it, now maybe you'll believe me!

Now I really know what doing it doggy-style really means. Look at the result!